Well, I just got discharged from the military for deserting… Man. When the general says to keep cake and ice cream out of the barracks, he isn't kidding.

Let's play Simon Says. First command is here, all the rest are in the comments. Simon says, "Close your eyes and keep them closed."

"You eat WAY too many bananas. Those things don't grow on trees, dude!" ~My brother

So I just asked my mom why she's been taking so much Omega 3 lately... She explained the health benefits it grants "your eyes, heart, and brain." My little brother just nudged me and said "Take som...

He who laughs last laughs worst, because that means it took him longer than everybody else to get the joke.

"They say Abe Lincoln was honest, but he was a politician AND a lawyer!" ~My deceptively smart brother

Person named Will: *Is watching a show with his friends/family* Character in show: "Fire at will!" Will's friends/family: "AHHH GET AWAY FROM WILL!" And now, a moment of silence for all the Wills i...

That awkward moment when you're staring off into space, lost in thought… and then somebody of the opposite gender steps into the space you're staring at, and you don't realize until they see you st...

"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do, you are misinformed." ~Mark Twain It's hilarious how true this still is.

I dunno, I just lose all motivation to go on a diet when I stop and consider the first three letters of "diet"...

Random question for anybody: When y'all read my posts and comments, how do you picture my voice in your head? And what makes you think of my voice as sounding like that?

My friends' dads complain that their kids are too addicted to smartphones and go through too many girlfriends. My dad complains that I don't want a smartphone and never date. Can anyone explain that?